What Is Real Friendship? Your Modern Guide to Online Connections

Learn more about the qualities and traits of true friendship so you can find social connections that translate into meaningful relationships.

The concept of friendship is as old as the days are. As inherently social creatures, humans have always needed companionship and community to pull us through life's ebbs and flows.

They say genuine friendship transcends space and time. And, with digital advancements, we can now extend our social networks further than ever before. One-to-one live video chat platforms empower us to meet new friends online anywhere, anytime.

So, let's explore what makes a true friendship, how to be a good friend and how to tell if your digital pals are the real deal.

What Is True Friendship?

True friendship is a positive, reciprocal connection that can exist in person or online. A genuine friend understands your strengths and weaknesses, accepts you as you are and supports you in becoming a better person.

There are myriad benefits to having at least one buddy. Shared experiences with a close friend may reduce feelings of stress, anxiety and depression, and build an overall greater sense of wellbeing. Ultimately, best friends improve the quality of our lives through:

Connection, Belonging and Purpose

Connection, belonging and purpose are the trifecta of emotional well-being. When a friend has our backs, no matter what, it expands our ability to perform, thrive and contribute — in both our inner and outer worlds. Even when we fail, a good friendship helps us to see the bigger picture, knowing that tomorrow the sun will rise, and they'll be there to watch it with us.

Improved Self-Confidence and Self-Worth

There's no greater confidence booster than having your No. 1 cheerleader in life prepping up when you're facing uncertainty. If we land in the shadows and forget the extent of our capabilities, our best friends are always there to remind us how powerful we can be.

Reduced Stress

Nothing reduces stress like a good belly laugh, and nothing makes us laugh quite like a friend. With the space to be our authentic selves, friendships allow us to be as silly, goofy or crazy as we want, lightening the load and helping us through the day.

Support Through Hard Times

Sometimes the best cure for hardship is a trusted friend we can share our worries with. Friends show empathy, actively listen to the troubles we're facing and remind us that we're not alone. These relationships make the world feel like a lighter place and give us the strength to rise to our challenges by overcoming them together.

Objective and Benevolent Advice

Even though our pals offer us unconditional love, they may not always agree with our direction or choices. A healthy friendship provides a safe space for both parties to flag any behaviors or relationships they feel could objectively harm the other’s well-being. Honest communication may not be easy to share — or hear — but it should come from a place of mutual respect and without judgment.

What Are the Qualities of a Real Friend?

Any relationship between two unique humans is completely nuanced. This means the value we each bring to the table as friends will manifest differently across all our close relationships. Therein lies the beauty of friendship: It's a special creation that can only exist between you and the other individual.

However, there are some common attributes of a good friend. Let's take a closer look:

Honesty and transparency: Being honest with a friend can be difficult. A true friend will value transparency over the comforts of staying quiet, and tell you the hard truths they think you need to hear.

A sense of humor: Friends don't take things too seriously. So what if you were late for your video call that one time? Good friends understand this isn't exactly top online meeting etiquette, but they accept the messy nature of life and laugh about it with you.

Empathy and support: Close friends can share their deeper troubles and help one another through them with an empathetic approach. This doesn't mean solving every minute problem — it's about staying present while your friend works through them.

Respectful and non-judgmental: As Kurt Kobain said: Come as you are. Friendships allow one another to show up with their quirky authenticity in a space brimming with respect and void of judgment.

Dependable and loyal: A friend is someone you can count on. We're talking high here-when-you-need-me energy. No flakiness or bad faith.

An excellent listener: Listening is a two-way street. You should take turns sharing while the other actively receives, understands and responds.

Human relationships are inherently complex because, well, humans are complex. Some traits of a good friend may be misunderstood as negativity, whereas they are genuinely positive and constructive. Here are some examples:

Boundaries: Strong boundaries show someone respects themselves and you. If a friend sets a boundary with you, the kindest course of action is to accept it. If necessary, discuss it with them at an appropriate time to better understand their needs.

Regular communication: Showing up regularly is key to building a lasting friendship. Showing up is about checking in and taking a genuine interest in your friend's experiences. Neediness, on the other hand, carries a more demanding or persistent energy.

Conflicting ideas: In any strong friendship, you will experience conflicting ideas. Disagreements are natural, and constructively resolving conflicts is an integral sign of a healthy relationship.

How To Tell if You Have a Real Friend

Here's where things might get a little tricky: Not every friend, friend or “friend” who comes into your life is the real deal. In truth, while some people have plenty of friends around them, the number of those people who can consistently show up with all the points mentioned above diminishes as the list goes down. That's the difference between an acquaintance and a real friend.

Further, some people don't have the best intentions, posing as a friend for a short time for personal gain. Those are really the ones we want to distance ourselves from, making space for the people in life who truly have our backs for the long run.

Reflect on the questions below to better understand whether you have a genuine friendship with someone online.

Self-reflection tip: Consider whether you show up with these same attributes — there may be some ideas to help you become a better friend, too!

Emotional Support

Do I feel safe to express my emotions?

Do I feel emotionally cared for and supported?

Is this person available to help me through challenges?

Consistency

Does my friend show up in a relatively predictable way?

Does this person understand my point of view — or ask clarifying questions when they don't?

If I couldn't offer something — like small favors or emotional support — would they stick around?

Trust

Can I trust this person with my deepest secrets?

Has this person ever lied to me or acted in deceitful ways?

Does this person speak poorly of other people behind their back?

Celebration

Does my friend celebrate my big achievements?

Does my friend acknowledge my small wins?

Does this person appreciate and celebrate me?

Reciprocity

Is there an equal balance of give and take in this relationship?

Who initiates contact more often — me or them?

Does this friendship feel energizing or draining?

Depth of Conversation

Can we discuss differences in opinion?

Does this person help me expand my perspective?

Is this person willing to talk about a variety of different topics?

Conflict Resolution

Do I feel safe disagreeing with this person?

After resolving a conflict, do I feel our friendship has strengthened or weakened?

Does this person proactively try to resolve conflicts?

It's critical to acknowledge that even a strong friendship won't show up in its purest form all the time. Expecting a friend to provide exactly what you need when you need it is unrealistic.

The most important focus is how you feel as you answer these questions. If you feel comfortable and positive about yourself and your friend, you likely have a genuine friendship. On the other hand, if feelings of lingering unease or discomfort arise, it may be time to have an honest conversation.

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Friendships are all about quality, not quantity. Even a single meaningful relationship can boost our happiness and improve feelings of connection.

But friendship is not a one-way street. They say the best way to attract true friends is to be a real friend — and practicing consistently is an effective way to get there.

Higo allows you to meet new people online via one-to-one video chats. Sign on to Higo and connect with genuine people from around the world over a lighthearted, casual conversation to start building connections today.

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